bengangnye =(

today i've got genetic process and evolution of an organism. i studied everything (but memorize some of it since it was last minute study!). the questions happen to be easy but unfortunately, i forgot 1 or 2 things, got a bit confused here and there and now, i don't think i can manage to get an A.. argh!!! this is so frustrating since i did memorize this one particular stuff and forgot it, hihihi! pretty annoying, right? i'm absolutely not in the modd now, with my project stuck with this pemangku pengetua yang tak faham pe aktiviti kolej. semalam in the meeting, i was cursing for it seems to be forever! memang sangat2 bengang gile =( plus with 'him' yang lost without anything to say, lagi la bengang. now, what can i conclude is that, guys are so annoying and they are such a loser =p sorry guys, most of you are jerks and sucks. only some of you are normal. owh, ever since he just miss called me the other day and replying my sms "sorry, wrong number.." i haven't keep in touch with him. lantak p la, malas nak bagi hint lebih-lebih. ntah2 dia pun still dengan gf dia lagi kot. saja jek nak test market with me. hmm, this week is citrawarna za'ba, an open day for our college. it's gonna be for 5 days full of activities. plus tomorrow i have meeting with the hep + all the pengarah in every college about festival seni. leh jadi gile lama2 camni tau =( rasa nka bakar jek kolej pun de gak. benci betul duk 7th ni, pentadbiran cam celaka jek.. sorry yek mencarut, that's the truth.

=(

bengang nye dengan sorang guy ni. tak suka tau dia bagi kita hint and leh lak kata dia got the wrong number? as if i don't know your number jek. terasa gak cam ntah2 dia nak flirt je kot, saja jek bagi picture comments yang sweet2 kat my page dalam myspace padahal de je gf kat belakang kita. entah la, tak tahu pe nak fikir. memang tak suka pun if orang just nak main2 kat i. i need someone that will love me as who i am, spoiled me in a sense that always be there with me through good and bad times. nak kata i ni cerewet sangat, agak la juga. memilih dan sangat2 cerewet tapi at the same time, bila dah sayang, i wanna be his angel. yang guy ni, memang dulu suka sama suka tapi tu la, i choosed someone else. nak wat camne, i terasa cam dia tak bersungguh nak kat i. takpe la, benda dah jadi kan, lagipun dia jumpa gf yang sangat2 comel time i couple ngn someone else. cuma sekarang ni tengah confused, nape dia bagi picture comments yang cakap sayang lagi sume2? ke saja jek nak test market? sorry la babe, tak minat la nak test market. lagipun for me, if someone really wants me, dia patut berusaha. i'll try my best and hope that he'll do the same. i had enough actually nak keep on teringat kat boy, dah lama sangat almost 2 years dah. jadi i wanna open a new chapter in mylife. nak hias chapter yang baru ni dengan kenangan yang indah2, suka duka sama2 dengan family, kawan2 and someone special . tapi tu la, de jek yang cakap suka tapi somehow hati ni tak leh nak trima. sangat2 cerewet padahal cam ayus cakap, "ingat cun sangat ke?" ahaks! bukan pe, entah la, memang memilih giler2 sekarang ni. tapi dengan guy tu, sebab mungkin pernah suka dekat dia, so bila dia bagi comment yang sweet, memang happy la gak, hihihi! ala, entah2 dia dah de gf. dear God, help me in finding my someone special ye =)

lalala~

me with robert semantara tunggu nak dapat seat kat delicious, mid =p

omg! sangat2 D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S my death by iced chocolate!

again, robert =) not bad kan muka dia, hihihih!

my mama's beef bolognaise spagetini yang sangat2 banyak

sementara menunggu masa makan =)

my bro with his lasagna yg sangat2 la tempting =p

yesterday, i went out with my bro and his friends, robert and kal (sorry, baby tak pload pun pic kal, hehehehe!). it was a blast sebab at last dapa gak lepak lagi kat delicious. memang sangat2 giler best and plus makanan dia membuatkan diriku terasa cam kat syurga lak, hahahah! overall ok la, memang seronok sangat2. btw, kal de beli tau barang MAC which is the concealer and studio fix. tu pun muka kal merah sangat2 semalam time MANGO ajar camne nak pakai conealer, kal diam jek. kaku giler2, haahahah! pastu semalam 1st time gak kenal ngn kawan ayus, robert. leh tahan gak hensem nye =p btw, dia student ukm, ambik mechanical engineering and his age 23. walaupun agak memenatkan semalam tapi memang best. nasib baik tak mati kerana iced chocolate! hahahahah! sangat2 sedap k.. i would definitely recommended this cafe kat you all sume. especially mereka yang nak dating kat tempat2 camni. price range dia for 2 orang is around like rm60++. tapi sangat2 worth it. sesekali takpe la if nak memanjakan diri anda serta orang yang tersayang =)

morib, here we come!

ni la nama saya =)

kiran excited sangat tak tahu sebab nape.

ni side perempuan yang senior, yg soranglaki tu is nordin

ni side lelaki lak, kiran suka sangat2 over the top, ahaks!

kaki/kasut sape yang paling kotor? kak suhaili la =p

sebahagian daripada kami sume =)

ni la muka2 sume budak2 yang ambik eco-marine sem ni (including me!). we went to pantai morib on last saturday. it was a-must-go-trip since it will be counted for our final exam. overall, all the seniors are so sporting and i really enjoyed lepaks with them. they are so nice and wonderful people. we took several pictures together, they were singing inside the van (walaupun bising tapi sangat2 happening!). salam perkenalan kepada sume senior =p

talent search 2nd college!

posing time!

yuna, u sangat stylo =p

this is a fifi, she has a great voice. however, ops! not she but he...

again, yuna sang her famous song (can't remember =p)

kak yan, me and yam!

the three of us.

it was on the 29th of february 2009. 2nd college had an event called 'talent search' where by its a singing contest. me, yam and kak yan decided to go to gazebo just to have fun (sambil mencuci mata, hahahah!). the also invited yuna and estrella as artist jemputan. overall it was a nice event but personally, i do think that last year was better since this year, all the participants choosed no-so-nice songs. here's some pictures of all of us, palying around and just having fun! =p

love~

love someone that loves you. people used to tell me those sentences. as i'm writting this post, my picture with boy are just next to my laptop. i wanted to moved on, after 2 years of logging for him, i need to stopped. it's not that i don't love him anymore, i always do but i wanted to live my life to the fullest instead of waiting for a miracle to come. yes, there are some people (guys) that offered me a shoulder to cry on but i just can't bring myself to like them. i preferred to be single, i like the fact that at least if i missed boy, i dont have to be guilty. by the way, about "him" that i mention in the earlier post, i am a bit angau la kat dia. nape ye? =p haha! ida, tomorrow you have fieldwork, so please FOCUS! just now i went to gazebo, watching talent search under 2nd college. it was ok la, i personally think that last year was better since hujan came. overall the crowd was ok too but the songs were mostly sad songs. i wonder why?? and there's estrella and yuna. both of the artists perform quite ok. owh, i can't wait for festival seni because i wanted to watched my anak-anak buah buat persembahan mereka. wish us luck! do pray that 7th got placing this year, ok? and maz dinner, i haven't decide what kind of clothes i will wear but i do have something on my mind. just wait and see ok? i need to wake up early for tomorrow's fieldwork at pantai morib, banting. owh, SUNBLOCK IS A MUST! haha! on the next post, i will upload yuna, estrella and some of the pictures sekitar talent search. and also my fieldwork, ok? goodnite everyone =]

lalala~

i'm flattered, i don't know why. hahah! maybe it's because the guy that i used to have a crush with had simply wrote something sweet at my picture comment. it felt weird though but however, it's a good feeling =) maybe i shouldn't let the feeling slipped into my heart but i do feel good about him. i just do hope that someone will make me feel happy again and this time, let it be a serious relationship where "i love you, you love me" thingy. it's just that i'm scared that he might just be another jerk since that there are lots of jerks out there. hope that he is not one of them. i'm a simple girl, you don't have to impress me with your gadgets or money or talent but just be yourself. as long as the person try his best to win my heart and make me fall in love with him. and i will be his angel as long as we're both in the relationship. i'm flattered, really. he commented one of my pic, "SAYA LA BF DIA". ouch! sejak bila kita couple? heheh! but i felt comfortable with those sentences. but deep inside my heart, i don't really trust him because he might just simple wanted to flirt with me. let him be like that then. i'm scared to fall in love to tell you the truth. i wanted to fall in love again but i'm scared that i might get myself hurt. i had enough with everything. all i want now is just to have someone (takde pun takpe) to make me feel happy again, just like what boy did. and i will promised you that i'll be your angel, through good and bad times.

rihanna fever!

those are my pictures for rihanna contest but i was frustrated since that rihanna had to cancelled her concert the other day (due to the incident that she got hit by chris brown-damn!). by the way, i don't know yet the results or maybe luck wasn't with me. but i really wanted to watch rihanna live at kl!!! wish me luck k? tak pun kena la beli tiket cepat2, hahahaha!

2nd story

there's story that previously happened, took couple of minutes before she wrote this post. one of her ex, a friend and a brother (she assumed) had make her pissed off. she doesn't think it as love because she perfectly knows that she just wanted to be friends with him. so she always did msg or called him just to check on him (as a friend, that is what friends for, right?). but hey, when it comes to guys, mereka hanya jadi kawan pada mula nak kenal + nak tackle tapi after dah break, kawan pun ntah ke mana. thats weird kan? however, as she browse his blog, just wanted to read some stuff on love (he is the romantic-type-of-guy), she was shocked as she saw someone wrote friendly messages. then the whole story has been entangled, from her point of view, she thinks that they might have something special going on. she wasn't angry, she was happy for the fact that she had already break his heart. but she was angry fr the fact that he didn't tell her anything or even share anything with her. then, she decided to stopped following his blog, to disconnect any type of communication with that guy. because she can't stand with people who doesn't know how to appreciate friendship. but deep inside her heart, she hope that the guy and his new might-be gf would be happily ever after. amin.



(p/s: if you are reading this post, all i'm asking, why do you never think her as a friend? no wonder you never even care bout what happened to her or even if she sick. it's a friendship that matters to her, not the past between you and her.)

this love

there's a story about a girl who started to fall in love at the age of 17. she doesn't know what's the consequence however, she did know about 1 thing. she admires him, loves him for what he is and on top of that, she never feels like this before. ever since then, she always told the boy, "i love you sayang." both of them were so loving until one day, the girl had to faced between sympathy and loved. she doesn't know that it was a trap. she lose him after 2 years in the relationship with that boy. both of them were really frustrated. while the girl crying for it seems to be forever, the boy on the other hand, started to be a heavy smoker and started to get drunk. but owh, God loves both of them, the boy stopped and the girl still continued her life though sometimes in the middle of the night, she started to cried because she missed the boy so much. everyone told her to stopped thinking about the boy but she couldn't bring herself to forget him. he was there, through good and bad times. she just don't feel like wanted to be with someone else though there were few guys that had offered her a shoulder to cry on. is she being stupid?

she just don't wanna live in denial coz she will feel guilty at the end of the day. after almost 2 years logging for the boy, she still in pain. she still suffered from her 1st love experience. she cried at night, trying to conviced herself to stopped loving him. she did asked God to take this love away but the love is still there. she tried to like someone else but the thought of that boy makes her smile, makes her laugh, makes her world gor berserk. she loves him too much, in fact she just couldn't stop thinking about him every single day. is that an obsession? it's just a true love that she experienced and she still hope for a miracle to come. she hope that the boy will actually realize that she loves him more than anything else in this world. but does that boy know about her feeling? she did told him about her feeling but he just keep quiet. he doesn't reply any of her messages but deep inside her heart, she knows that maybe the boy did read all the messages. because he did told her, she was everything for him. he wanted the girl to be his future wife.

despite of everything, the girl still here. writting on her very own blog. she smiles, laugh at the top of her lung, she cried, she make the best of everything. she makes friends with everyone but love no one. she was hurt badly in the past and she don't plan to make any memories in the future. she just being herself, she just wanted the boy to know that she will be his angel even though no one knows about it.

kurang sihat =(

i've got this really bad diarrhea + fever + flu + cough till to that extend i can't sit for my test! it all started on last tuesday, siang tu rasa dah tak sihat. then tengahari tu, after kelas marine, ajak la wan p lunch since makanan kat dewan makan for sure tak sedap nye. bukan cerewet tapi if makan ikan yang sangat2 rasa semacam, do you think you can eat it? back to the story, sementara tengah tunggu wan kat dataran sains, someone tegur i. (blushing!!) someone yang i used to minat dulu tegur i. dia cakap macam kenal jek. i was smiling then cakap la we used to be in the same class. so kitorang pun borak2 then gelak2. it was fun, then p makan kfc dengan wan. borak2 pasal ex masing2 and as usual, sentuh sikit pasal boy, teringat balik zaman dulu2 then mata pun terasa cam watery jek. balik kolej, rehat jap then ikut yam p sokong dia main tari tali. pastu hujan lak tiba2, suruh essmat bawak payung tapi takde. so kena la hujan sikit then malam tu terus panas. so esok nye diarrhea yang sangat2 giler teruk plus fever plus migrain yang giler2 pun menyerang menyebabkan saya tidak mampu untuk pergi ke kelas. aduh! test melepas lagi. pergi klinik student then dapat mc tapi balik tu still migrain giler hebat. tido and terus tido then malam tu muntah2 sampai kena paksa pergi ppum. muntah lebih dari 10x sampai memang sangat2 tak larat. malam tu gak dapat mc lagi untuk hari khamis. so balik la umah coz memang tak larat. hari ni baru ok sikit. makan pun dah lebih berselera. tapi kan yang best nye, my weight turun 4kg dalam masa sebulan, dasyat tak? lagi 2kg tercapai la hasrat berat badan idaman, hahahahah! =p walaupun orang sekeliling risau takut saya sangat kurus nanti (since rangka saya besar so orang ingat saya berisi kot!), tapi saya happy sebab pakai baju pape pun nampak cantik!

lovey-dovey

i wasn't sure what i'm writing right at this moment. but yeah, today i spent my time with wan searching the journal sambil lepaks together. then we had our lunch (order mcd jek, bukan tak nak boikot tapi kami sangat2 lapar =p). after few hours of sitting at the dataran sains, we both left the place and went to our own place (me balik kolej and dia balik umah dia la, duhhh!). then i have to washed all my clothes, played piano in dewan makan. finally i can played fall for you by secondhand serenade but still, i can just played the 1st bridge only. it was fun though it was really tiring. i love music and i think music is one of my passion. hmm, the sound of piano makes me cried once, makes me laugh and makes me sad. i wanted to play this song (fall for you) to boy, but yeah, in my dreams only since that we never get in touch with each other. yeah, i know that he was hurt by me but he hurts me more than i do. yeah, if u ask me, i really miss my boy. wanted to stare at his cute face with a pair of sepet eyes that looks like chinese =) by the way, people always said that i'm matured in a way of thinking. while most of the time you might think that, "hey ida, asyik gelak jek macam budak2!" or "hey ida, cuba gak jadi matured sikit!" but again, its just that i think its not fun to be matured, weird huh? back to the topic, i (think?) i'm good at giving people advises, i mean the good ones. but i suck in advising my ownself as i turn up screwing myself crying or moody at the same time. i just sometimes couldn't think straight when something happen to me. let say when i'm really angry with someone, i might have just explode like "memang sangat fucker giler mereka2 itu". hihihihi! a bit harsh (huh??? a bit?!) but yeah, the words come easily from my mouth. hahahah! owh, what am i mumbling about?! i miss my boboy actually. though people around me always encouraging me to find someone else (some did pray for me and boboy) but i just can't bring myself to fall in love again. that is why i despise people who tells me that they like me (for whatever reason unless if i like them too =p). because i don't wanna risk my heart for another drama or so called lovey-dovey. i just hate the word love itself (sorry pada sape2 yg terasa ye). owh, now it's like 4.30 am in the morning and here i am, mumbling about something that i don't really know what to talked about (or maybe the words aren't coming out to be in reality????). but hey, wish me good luck for rihanna contest! later, maybe tomorrow i'll upload the pic that i sent to the contest. it's crazy and unexpected pic full of the dark side of me. as a matter of fact, i spend such a long time for the makeup (macam artis lak!). ntah la, tengok la pic tu sendiri ok? =p

a story to share

there's a story that i wanted to share with all of you. i mean, do you guys actually believe in love? i mean people keep on saying that true love exists or it'll never dies (bla.. bla.. bla..). but i've witnessed some of the story that has come to its ends. whether the girl or the boy who started the conflict (it does matter yyou know..), but at the end of the day, one will get hurt. and the one that get hurts, tend to no to take the love itself more seriously.

there's a couple which i used to describe as such a lovely couple. i mean wake up! they are so in love with each other, like i used to feel towards boy (my 1st love). they really remind me of how both of us used to be. but the happy ending story wasn't like in the fairy tales. the girl started to flirt with other guy, from one to another and as an observer, i was really getting so sick and felt weird because i do know (or i think that i know?) that she still loves her bf. but again, there's a song by pussycat dolls, happy never ending. after several months of going out with a new guy, (again as an observer?) they had develops feelings towards each other. though she always tried to convince others that they are just friends, not more than that. of course, i'm sure that they live in denial while trying to cheat to others (dengan harapan no one will know the truth but hey, people got eyes you know). i felt sad, i mean how can people take things for granted? it's not easy to find someone that is going to be with you through good and bad times, is it? finally, after the bf knows about the truth (which is not the whole thing of course), they broke up. i wasn't surprise though but i felt so sad towards the guy. he really reminds me of boy.

what can i conclude about my story up here? in a love relationship, honesty is the best policy. if you are not sincere towards your partner, why do you have to be with him when you are love is not fully on him/her? to fall in love for me is not easy. because you need to actually feel the love from within and not simply just pick-and-choose. i have been in several relationships but honestly, i am still in love with the first one. because i felt that my heart still belongs to him. yeah, i know it sounds weird (maybe some of you might say, "get a life"!) but it was true love. in my previous relationship, i did tried to love them but unfortunately it's hard.

suka, sayang and cinta are 3 different words. suka is for temporary, sayang is not really a strong word. why? because if u said, "saya sayangkan awak", it's really a general term. but when you said, "saya cintakan awak", it means a lot. it means that you are willing to sacrifice for your partner, be with him/her through good and bad times, accept him/her as they are and you wanted to share your life with him/her till the last day of your life. in all my relationships, only boy manage to said, "boy cintakan baby sangat2" while others just roughly said, "saya sayangkan awak". so, appreciate what you have in front of your eyes, don't take things for granted and appreciate every minute with her. honestly, eventhough my relationship with boy ended almost 2 years ago, but alhamdulillah, we did appreciate every second of it (dulu2 la). setiap masa yang berlalu, setiap hari yang berlalu, both of us bersyukur coz dapat melalui hari2 yang semalam and berharap hari yang mendatang akan lebih indah. but apakan daya, kita hanya merancang, kan?


dear God, thank you for making me fall in love with boy. he was a great guy, please dear God, let him meet someone that can take care of him and always be there with him,are willing to help no matter what happen. and please if dia bukan jodoh ku, cabutkan lah perasaan sayang dan cinta dari hati ini. amin



(p/s: this topic might be a bit controversy but this is just my thought so don't make it such a big deal. as long as i didn't mention anyone's name, it shouldn't be any problem, right? and i do hope, the new guy in the girl's life will take good care of her.)

let's have fun!

apparently ayus had his gaji on the last friday and all the three of us went to mid valley and do some shopping.. lambat sikit update sebab kemalasan melanda, hahhahha!

(p/s: ayus's birthday is just around the corner.. nak beli apa yek?

the end of the holiday

for the whole 1 week of holiday (i must say that i wasn't really doing any benefit thingy at home =p).. watching tv + dvd is apart of my daily routine, sleeping is a must for me though i woke up around 10++ in the morning, hahahah! but yeah, it felt so good to actually had a week of holiday. owh, for my presentation on mammaolgy, i decided to present about whales which i think quite fascinating (don't you think so?).. i was having a hard time to choosed either whales or orangutan but after asking some people, yeah! whales should be fun! today, i finally get myslef back to um. nothings changed except that i did noticed there's a wireless thingy in front of my room.. tapi internet tak gak cepat + laju giler2, hehehhehe! but ok la for me and others to do work =) thanx um! i'm so tired after doing my marine lab report (my bad, i keep on procrastinate things that i need to do, i mean important things!). halfway through, phew.. lega rasa nye..

(p/s: i cried at night for like 3 days in a row coz i've been missing him so much. don't blame me, blame the memory of us, hahaah! oh God, when will i finally stop thinking of him or met other guy?)