a confession to made

well, i would say that these whole 1 week of study week have really improves myself in preparing for my final exam.. better, compared to the last time.. but i need to struggle, need a lot of energy and maintain my health for the whole 2 weeks of exam.. owh, i have to make my parents proud..

finished talking about the study week.. though study week is just a week (it's really a short period of time, hmm).. i have already went out for like it seems 3 times.. ops! if my dear bro baca, definitely he's gonna get shocked, ahaks! went to mid valley with my girlie frenz (teha, min and i), went again to mid valley with wan and finally, went out with some of my frenz.. just had a pretty warm chat, talking bout problems and all..

hmm, it reminds me of something.. is true love really exist? i mean, i keep on asking myself to believe in it but all i have is just the answers which prove to be on the bad side.. i wanted to believe that there are some good guys out there but it seems that it is hard to find.. like liana used to tell me, the good guys are already been taken, ahaks! i guess you are right dear =)

but again, it;s not that i desperately want a bf or something.. but i'm like, what is it like to have a bf? i think, i had already learned my lesson, in the hardest way you can ever imagine.. i met a great lover, a jerk, a playboy and guys that you just simply can't seems to fall in love with, although they are really a good guys.. maybe there's no chemistry between us..

i do like this guy but can't possibly think of anything positive side of falling in love.. i like him because i can feel the chemistry (or maybe its just me?) between us.. yeah, it sounds the typical me, some of my frenz said.. they thought he's handsome, tall, loaded or something but nope.. he's not even handsome (ok2 je kot), just a plain but something else had attracted me to him..

maybe, just maybe because of the way he brings bout himself.. the way he represent himself.. but again, i'm afraid to like anyone.. the past had thought me that guys can't be trusted.. even if they seems nice to you, but again, at the end, it's me who will be left alone.. i can't bear the feeling of being alone, the sadness that filled my heart, the sickness of living in a dark place.. tears rolled down, thinking about the one guy that you loved so much.. that era is already over..

so i decided, love is just full of shit.. but i do know that miracle happens, that God loves us, that maybe.. just maybe, right now, love is not what i should be thinking about.. owh, i'm scared to like him.. the 1st minute i'll be talking about him but the next minute, i decided to hold my thoughts and thinking bad things about him.. why am i feeling this way?

i hope he doesn't read this post.. scared that dia rasa diri yang sedang diperkatakan, ahaks!

what it feels like to actually hear someone called you sayang? i almost forgot that really sweet feeling (butterfly in your stomach, the nervous system that starts to take control of your body), holding hands with your loved ones, chatting, talking endlessly in the handphone, crying over silly things like missing your or something, hugged by someone that you loved, the kiss that happen so fast but lasted forever, the warmness of his words and all..

i almost forgot what it feels like to fall in love.. all i have in my mind, was a really bad memories, it was destroyed by a playboy who told me once that sayang doesn't mean anything.. and yeah, i cursed him till death, heheh! it makes me think that all guys are jerks..

i'm scared, shouldn't let the feeling slipped into my heart in the first place.. i have to admit, with this guy, i like the way he talks, the charismatic that he have.. omg, i hope that he doesn't noticed it in the first place, heheheh! it's not obvious, its just happen.. i did not asked God to actually let me like him.. we are just frenz..

my frenz told me that i'm so picky, why is that so? pantang tengok guy hensem sikit, i'm like.. "omg! he's soooo cute!".. hahahah! to tell you the truth, its not about the looks, but its about what lies inside your heart.. i like the fact that a guy who loves to makes me smile.. he doesn't have to be a joker but just a simple guy.. treat me with honesty, loyalty and accept me as who i am..

owh, it would be wonderful if he's the type that care about me, loves me as who i am.. is he really exist? i always reminding myself, do not think about the future.. just live in the present.. because the future doesn't promise you anything.. i think, the experience that i went through had really made me a better person..

=)

i'm more matured in the sense of thinking.. i'll be able to control myself now and then.. the tears that used to be my partner had already faded away.. the way i'm bringing myself is better.. thanks to the past, makes me a better person.. thanks to all the jerks, that finally made me realize, you guys are just a plain story in the chapter of my life.. thanks to boy, because you thought me the meaning of love.. i'll be forever definitely grateful of knowing you..

this whole chapter of my life, has brought tears, laughters, sadness and happiness in my life.. credit to my family who always been there for me, accepting me as your daughter, as the baby in the family though i do know that this baby had just simply put a lot of trouble in the family =p .. thanks to all my frenz, no matter where you are, we will always be frenz forever.. thanks to every single person that i've met whether its in the past, present or even future.. thanks for being a part of my life and thought me to be a better person.. =]